January 2012
Wrong Place
News to everyone…
I’m now the worst person in the world.
I never thought that people that I loved and adored the most would turn their backs on me when I would NEVER do that to them. For once in years, I put myself before people and they took it as I hated them and that it was a big FUCK YOU *Insert name here* I don’t get it. For once I wanna act 15 and have fun with my life and not be scared to fall in love and be who I wanted to be my whole life. I guess as Darreen Miller, I have to always act like a 30 year old. I don’t like the fact that people are trying to say that I’m picking someone over them. Today I lost someone…some people who I look up too…someone who’s been in my life since I was 13. I lost someone who is about to start serving our country. I never wanted to things to end like this. But, if they did I guess this is how life is suppose to be….
So….
Dear Lauren,
What happen to the girl who I could call whenever something bad happen? What happen to the girl who lived with me and when I came home crying from school would sit on my bed and find ways to make me smile… make me laugh? I wish I would have that friend back…that sister back…but, people change and turn their backs on people all the time. I was just hoping that you would be the last person to turn their back on me. I wish you could see how much happiness has been taken away from me…You will never understand….you will never know. I wish you could read my mind…read my heart and see why I wanna be with the girl who I’m with. I don’t wanna be alone…I never wanted for things to end like this. I never once wanted anything to end like this…ever. I guess if I make myself happy for once, I let everyone down. I understand that people wanna see me happy and not get hurt, but you guys can’t protect me forever. There will come that day where I’ll be out in the real world and learn what true pain is. What pain is really made of. I’m a teenager. I’m ment to make mistakes… I’m not perfect no matter how badly you wish I was or how badly you wish you could make me. I wish everything I did was perfect but it’s not and nor will it ever be. Even though I’m dead to you now… I’ll always look up to you…I’ll always be there when you need someone….never forget that I love you. I will never give up on you.
Dear Nikki,
I know that you love me, and that you don’t wanna see me get hurt…I understand that you’ve been in the same place that I am in right now. You’ve always been that one person who has been there for me when I needed to vent or cry to someone….I wish you could understand but, you never will…I’m sorry for saying that mean stuff I said to you but, damn you just…you make me very mad…we don’t see eye to eye and I guess that’s why we we’re great friends. Sorry our new friendship had to die early…
Dear Tori….
</3 I don’t know where to start with you….you’ve been my bestfriend for the past two years and you’ve always been there for me. You know so much stuff about me…just remember if you ever need someone to talk to… someone to come save you from how life is at times. I’m always a phone call away…I love you Kistler… You’ve made such a big impact on my life…When dick head left me…you were there for me no matter what time it was. Even if it was 4 am and I called you, you’d pick up and hear me cry and try to calm me down. If it wasn’t for you on that night back in November we both know very well that I’d be dead right now…I never wanted to loose my bestfriend…I never wanted to loose someone who is like a sister to me. Tori…just always remember… I’ll always love you…I’ll always have you in my heart and you’ll always have a special place in my heart just for you. If only you could see how much I really look up to you…I think you’d change your mind about how things are going right now. You’ve showed me how much someone can take on and can’t and won’t break with the world on their shoulders. I adore you Tori….I wish….fuck wishes…they never came true….well I can’t really say they all haven’t come true because, I wished to have a friend like you..and look what happen you walked into my life like it was ment to be. I love you….Never forget that…</3
